(Photo by Seth Graham. Thanks!Several months ago, Alan and Eric endeavored to start a 24 Hours of LeMons quest, a Ford Escort dream that at times closely resembled a nightmare. Despite stubborn engine and and suspension swaps, wiring fit for torture, and last-minute scrambling to satisfy safety requirements, we eventually made it to the speed and still had the car on the cross for a bit over the 3 years of race events.Here is our story:SATURDAYWe awoke around 6 a.m. Saturday, knowing we had a lot left to accomplish. Weather forecasts indicated that it was alleged to rain all Saturday, beginning some time around 3 a.m. As best as anyone could tell, rain had really fallen for almost 5 minutes. We felt encouraged by this omen, thinking that as farsighted as the rain held off, our car could run with the better of the field.We spent an hour or so mounting Nixon to the car in the almost satisfying way we could see out. This involved tie-down straps through his jacket, bungee cords round the legs, and mounting wire around his waste and even through holes left from the long-since-discarded hatch. As the model was a four-piece dummy, we drilled holes through the blazon and attached very long cable ties through both arms. Our rationale for this was that if one arm goes, then the whole damned thing does. A whole Nixon flying at a pursuing/passing LeMons competitor has a higher entertainment value than simply an arm, really. And the mannequin weighs about 5 pounds total, so it wouldn't have done too much damage1. We think anyway.We cruised up to the tech shed around 8 p.m. to take the roll cage weld and harness mounting re-inspected. The inspector looked at it for nearly two minutes before signing off on the repairs; we were in line to race. During that brief inspection, we'd noticed a middle-aged man walking round with a microphone, following the examiner and about of the early teams. He soon sidled up to Alan and Eric and asked a bevy of questions around the car, the theme, and our sanity. After a bit, he introduced himself as a reporter for "Just a Game," which is NPR's radio show2.Somewhere during all of this, Johnny showed up at the course set to drive, although his patchwork and bedliner-paint-job Del Sol got some unwanted notice from mass in the paddock3. The team collected their LeMons licenses for the run and headed back to the pit for some last-minute prep before the drivers' meeting.It was in this piece of time, somewhere around 9 a.m. that Alan and Eric had a fateful (and incredibly stupid conversation):Alan: "Hmm.we still don't make a working temp gauge."Eric: "How big of a job is that?"Alan: "Well, if the car overheats, we'll have no way of knowing, other than smoke and/or steam."Eric: "Oh. Well, do you think overheating will be a problem?"Alan: [Shrug] "It'd be gracious to make a temperature gauge."And that's where that conversation ended, because we were almost to run late for the driver's meeting. Please notice that the fault, if it lies with anyone, probably lies with Eric's ignorance4.
The driver's meeting was uneventful, and Jay Lamm's pervasive message was, "Don't drive like a jack ass, and you likely won't get any black flags." We got the show and so again returned to our paddock space.By this time, the rainwater was falling in earnest, and it was clearly that there was enough water on the rails to get it well and terrifying. So the team sent Alan out first. We had brought two sets of tires: a set of cheap all-weather radials with good tread left and a set of sportier and stickier Falken Azenis. Because of the Azenis' alleged poor wet weather performance, we opted to go with the all-weathers5.Alan headed out to the cover around 9:50; we expected the green flag at 10:00, although it didn't drop until a little after. Of Team Resignation's initial 30-minute stint, Alan spent nearly 20 of it under full-course caution. Puddles formed in the 7-8-9 turn complex, as good as on parts of the main straightaway. It made the rainy racing ridiculously perilous (and slow).
24 Hours of LeMoNs - 8 from Daniel Meyer on Vimeo. Alan pitted and when he'd rolled to a point in the paddock space, he reported that the car was an absolute nightmare to deal in the wet. It, in fact, did the precise contrary of what you told it to do. Basic notes on driving the front-heavy car in the rain:Entering a corner? Brake only in a direct line. Braking with the cycle turned = instant sliding.Exiting a corner? Don't give it any throttle until you're aimed true and you've unwound the wheel. If you gas it before then, the car will only keep going straight6A.Have you already experienced the car going straight with the cycle turned, as mentioned above? Don't reverse the throttle, or else the rear end slides out instantly6B. Drifting is fun, but not when there's a 3500-pound Crown Vic with a stripper pole on it going about the box adjacent to you.Accelerating on a straight? Don't have it more than approximately 50% throttle, or else the tires will spin. Also don't downshift, as that will also discover the tires loose.Other than that, next driver Eric reported the car handled just like you'd expect: terrifying and noisy, but extraordinarily fun. He put in his 30-minute stint, only getting sideways 9 or 10 times. However, as he returned to Team Resignation's paddock space after pitting, he stalled the car at a stop signal and observed that the newcomer had suddenly stopped working. With the help of some courteous strangers in the pit, the car found its way backwards to the paddock space.
24 Hours of LeMoNs - 11 from Daniel Meyer on Vimeo. The team poured over the car, investigating the newcomer and the electric system. The diagnosis was a broken starter, and the team opted to press start the car for the next driver, Johnny. However, the squad had neglected to hold any other systems on the car, like, say, coolant level.The team push-started the car without incident, and Johnny headed out for his short stint. It was uneventful for nearly 15 minutes. And then, as we watched from the loss of Number 9, Johnny passed by, a single heave of smoke lingering behind from where he'd put the king back on for the main straight. We waited anxiously for him to return, and he did so a second or two later, followed by an enormous dark gray smoke. We told him to pit in, but he was already on pit road headed in.
(Photo by Seth Graham. Thanks!What followed was a bizarre series of events that are still unclear to all team members. While Johnny tried to pit out, the pit entrance worker apparently waved a car onto the path immediately behind Johnny. As this car was picking up speed to pass into Turn 1, Johnny said person was giving him the thumbs up but blocking pit out. As he was near to be run over by the car behind, Johnny had no choice but to go around the course again. He never made it. The car died somewhere around Turn 6. In the meantime, the balance of the squad had seen him on pit road but hadn't seen him go round again. As a result, team members scattered all over the paddock looking for a car that wasn't there. After nearly 10 minutes, Johnny radioed in that the car was short and he was being towed in7.We saw him being brought in, and we pushed the car the duration of the pit lane. When we reached our pit, the initial printing was that the motive was totally blown. There was an unbelievable number of heat everywhere under the hood. We decided to take the radiator, which crew member Duncan had noticed was empty. A few seconds after dumping water into the fill cap, it came dumping out at our feet; a hose had broken and spilled all of our fluid. Because our temp gauge wasn't working, the just way we'd figured it out was from the huge clouds of grass from our exhaust8.We entertained the impression that perhaps the engine had just overheated and would be OK. Alan changed the spark plugs; one from the overheated engine was covered in thick, black grime. After swapping in the spark plugs from his daily driver's Zetec engine, Alan told us to hold and let the engine cool. We took a short time to eat some chili and see some of the race, which had opened up some as the rain subsided.After letting the engine cool, we tried to press start the car, to no avail. The engine chugged a little, trying to go over. Johnny pointed out that it sounded like there was absolutely no compression. We then tried tow-starting it behind Duncan's E30. The car would start, but would only chug along at almost 400 RPM with the throttle completely open. Kiko pointed out that it sounded very much care a blown cylinder, which meant a totaled motor. With the car parked, Eric noticed that the interior of the bright-red cherry bomb was coated with black soot, which was thick like a paste.We had been on course for 30 laps.1 There's almost certainly a parallel here with Nixon's presidency, but I can't quite voice it. Anybody have some service with that? Also, I secretly wanted one of Nixon's hands or arms to come off and peck a car, preferably one with in-car video, on the windshield. ~Eric2 It's worth noting that this point is not syndicated in Michigan that we know of. However, it will be spread in mid-November and leave be available online in whole.3 For those who haven't seen it, Johnny's daily driver is a Honda Del Sol with an Acura front-end fastened to it. It's spray-painted with bedliner. Some people remarked as he passed, "Look at that part of crap." Sad Johnny was sad.4 This is self-deprecating humor. Sad Eric was too sad.5 It's hard to say if this was a beneficial decision or not. We didn't get a hazard to use the Azenis in the wet, but the all-weathers were godawful.6A AKA "Shit-your-pants" understeer6B AKA "Shit-your-pants" lift-throttle oversteer7 Some of the more astute may ask why Johnny didn't radio back instantly. We had rigged up the wireless system to essentially be received only. Johnny was able, after the car died, to give the radio at death and visit us back. We'll take a driver headset for future races.8 The mist of smoke clearly represented our shortcomings as humans8A.8A What? I hold to use my liberal arts degree for something.*Photos by Dave Belland, Alan Cesar, and Seth Graham. Video by Brian Quezada
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