'Idol' runner-up Crystal Bowersox looks back, ahead

Crystal Bowersox reveals dark childhood

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• Season nine "American Idol" runner-up Crystal Bowersox has released her debut album.
• The singer-songwriter discusses her difficult childhood and how far she`s come
• Bowersox, a newlywed, also talks about whether she`d like to get another child

Editor`s note: To find a longer version of the interview, you can lead to "Soundcheck Uncut" on iTunes or go to www.

nn.com/podcasts.

Hollywood, California (CNN) - Crystal Bowersox is center stage at S.I.R. Studios in Hollywood, rehearsing two lines from her new single over and over: "You`d come home with bourbon breath, Jack in the air. And when you broke my bones, I told the school I fly down the stairs."

They`re the most disturbing lyrics on the title tag of her rootsy debut album, "Farmer`s Daughter," and she wants to take sure the position is punctuated.

"This is the sob story that never happened on `American Idol,` " the Season Nine runner-up confides during a break. "The whole album is simply my diary - dealing with child abuse, and alcoholism, and just a dark childhood that I had dealing with my mom and our relationship and everything. So it`s pretty blunt, it`s in your face. It`s, you know, putting it out there."

"Farmer`s Daughter" features eight songs penned entirely by Bowersox, as well as a pair of co-writes. One of them - "Mason" - is a duo with her husband, Brian Walker, about building a life together. The duo performed it at their October nuptials.

Unlike her "Idol" colleague Lee DeWyze, whose lot is made up of hiply styled twentysomethings, Bowersox`s backing musicians are mostly veteran road warriors who`ve played with Billy Joel, Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, and Bon Jovi. Only her bass guitarist, Frankie May, is a holdout from her childhood near Toledo, Ohio.

The guys tease her like a little sister, and Bowersox gives it right back. At one point, she launches into a warbly Michael McDonald impersonation. Moments later, she good-naturedly spars with her manager over song choices for TV appearances. It`s a standoff, and an onlooker jokes that someone`s going to get back with a black eye.

"No," Bowersox says serenely. "I`m a lover, not a fighter."

Bowersox recently spoke with CNN about her debut album, her difficult childhood and whether she plans on adding "mother of two" to her already hectic schedule.

CNN: Some of the lyrics on "Farmer`s Daughter" are pretty moving.

Crystal Bowersox: It`s all true. I always say that, you know, my mom had it tough. My parents divorced when I was 2, and she was a single mom trying to raise three kids on her own, and she didn`t always deal with her frustrations the best way. She`s a much better grandget now than she was a father for me.

CNN: You still have a relationship with her.

Bowersox: Writing the song ("Farmer`s Daughter"), for me, was a healing process. I took all of the ira and the energy that I carried with me, and put it into that song. It`s no longer inside me. When I do it, it all floods back in. As soon as the song`s over, it`s gone again. I haven`t forgotten, but I`ve definitely forgiven my mom. She`s a good lady.

CNN: What was her reaction when she heard the song?

Bowersox: She`s like, "Why is that the first thing you have to say to the world?!" I was like, "Sorry, Mom. Maybe you`ll thank me if I can start helping you out a little more. Bring some money in, and you won`t complain as much." (She laughs) But she really came around and told me - she was like, "It`s a gorgeous song. I just wish I didn`t know who and what it was about." It`s bittersweet for her. It stings a little, but she`s doing OK.

CNN: Are you ever afraid of repeating patterns?

Bowersox: I`m pretty self-aware when it comes to that. If I get to feel little things boiling up inside of me, you know - you walk away.

And my husband`s great. (She married longtime friend and fellow musician Brian Walker in October. We`re always laughing. Our house is full of love, and I`m not worried about repeating those things.

I definitely learned my lesson from my mom. She`s a very strong, independent woman, and she doesn`t take crap from anybody, and that`s what I love about her. I`ve taken that and incorporated it into myself. In that sense, my mother did a big job. I feel like I`m a strong young woman, and I feel like I`m a good mother. We`re doing all right.

CNN: I`m still shocked that someone like you ended up as a contestant on "American Idol," because you`re not the stereotypical contestant.

Bowersox: "American Idol" is a quick way to fame, for sure. But when I had my son in 2009, and I was acting the same bar gigs and coffeehouses and things - 50 bucks a night, you know, you can`t touch a kid on that. I wanted my son to learn all of the things that I was lacking growing up. He definitely has the love, but now he`s got a race car bed. That`s awesome, and it`s because I sucked it up and went and did "Idol." I`m very, very happy that I went through the whole process.

CNN: You said from the part that you wanted to give your son a better life.

Bowersox: My son saved my life. Before him, before I knew I was pregnant, I was safe in a very obscure place in my head and in my life - and wear and depressed. I was still playing music, but I merely wanted to - I wasn`t sure I really wanted to get around, you know. And he just gave me a purpose, as a child does for parents. It`s like now you get this being, this thing, that you have to care for. It was a beautiful surprise, and adept at the full time. It wasn`t planned, but it was the perfect time, and saved me.

CNN: Do you want more kids?

Bowersox: Yeah, I do. They`re fun to make. I do take more kids. Maybe just one more. My luck, I`ll have twins. (She rolls her eyes and laughs.)

CNN: You recently got married.

Bowersox: I`m really happy right now. My husband`s great. He makes my coffee every morning. He`s a talented singer-songwriter. That`s how we met, you know. In the Uncommon Ground. It`s a cafe in Chicago. They have a great open mic every Monday, and we`d both go there. We`ve known each other for 3 years. He`s got the song, "Mason," on the album. He had written the name in 2008 (she later added a bridge). He wrote it for me, and I never believed him for a long time, but I believe him now.

CNN: Is your diabetes under control?

Bowersox: Yeah, for the most part. Sometimes I`ll wake up in the morning, and I won`t feel well, and I`ll be like, "Oh no, I missed something," you know. I`ve been on the edge a couple of times, but I try to stay on top of it, as best I can. Managing a household, and my son, and now this music thing - you know, interviews, and travelling all the time. It`s pretty hectic, but I find good.

CNN: How do you do the insulin?

Bowersox: I have an insulin pump here (reaches around the cross of her waist). I hold it 24/7. You replenish the cartridge.

CNN: Growing up, you had a lot to deal with. And you`re spoken of bullying, too.

Bowersox: It wasn`t easy in high school. You could blame the victim, and say it was my fault because I was a weird kid, or I tried to do different things with my hair and clothes, but that`s not an excuse. Kids should always be able to be themselves, and feel sound in their environment, and I didn`t always happen that way - and then dealing with things at home, as well. I`m not sure why there`s this ira in the youth, but we need to talk about it. Kids need to get help if they need help, and bullies need to be helped, as well.

CNN: How did you grow up to be someone who seems to keep her head on straight?

Bowersox: I wasn`t always who I am now. When I was younger, I acted out and vented my frustrations in different ways. I was kind of a tough kid. A little light bulb came on when I was 17, and I realized, "I`m 17. In a year, I don`t get to do to anyone but myself, and the only person that I`m hurting now is my home and myself." I was hurting the pot I loved.

CNN: What were you doing?

Bowersox: Uh, I don`t really want to talk about it. (Laughs) I wasn`t a big kid. I was doing a lot of things. When you`re a kid, you might be picked on for your differences. When you`re an adult, employers, colleges, friends - people look for differences when you`re adult, and that`s what makes you take and stand out.

CNN: Do you feel like things are on their way?

Bowersox: Where I am right now is a blessed home to be, but I feel like there`s a lot more coming my way. And it`s nearly time! It`s almost time.