We`re all pretty aware by now that there`s been no love lost over the days between Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. So it`s no storm that, in a forthcoming autobiography (which, in the illustrious tradition of celebrity memoirs, I`m certain he totally wrote himself), Richards has a few less-than-lovely things to share approximately The Rolling Stones lead singer.
Among the most memorable are his nicknames for Jagger - the diva-esque "Brenda" and "Her Majesty" - and the fact that Richards hasn`t entered his bandmate`s dressing room in more than 20 years (the `80s being the point when he began to find Jagger "unbearable"). He goes on to make aim at more than simply the sizing of Jagger`s ego, stating that longtime former girlfriend Marianne Faithfull told him she`d "had no fun with [Mick Jagger`s] tiny todger," and writes, "I know he's got an enormous span of balls - but it doesn't quite satisfy the gap."
While the stuff about Mick Jagger`s penis is apparently quite good and important, one of the more hilarious excerpts includes Richards`s admission that he didn`t recognize Johnny Depp until he`d been hanging out with his son for days because - wait for it - he thought he was a drug dealer. You know - just a random, unidentifieddrug dealer hanging round your family all the time for years, which is a completely normal thing and not something you would maybe need to ask someone about. Classic Richards:
"It took me two days earlier I realized who [Johnny Depp] was. He was only one of my son Marlon's mates, hanging round the house playing guitar. I never ask Marlon's mates who they are because, you know, "I'm a dope dealer." Then one day I was at dinner and I'm like, "Whoa! Scissorhands!""
See? Yet another totally relatable story from Keith Richards (see also:Snorts Father`s Ashes; Falls From Coconut Tree and Requires Brain Surgery)!
Keith Richards's autobiography, Life, will be published on Oct 26. [Billboard, Gather]
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